Wedding Dance Moves and Why Adults Can’t Make Friends
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Sometimes friendships begin in deep conversations.
Sometimes they start through shared experiences.
And sometimes they begin because a guy absolutely refuses to leave the dance floor at a wedding.
That’s actually how this friendship started.
Years ago, my wife Candy and I were at a wedding in Austin, Texas when I noticed a guy on the dance floor who clearly didn’t care what anyone thought. He had the kind of confidence that only appears when the music is loud and the moment feels bigger than the room.
That guy was Bruce.
What started as a few laughs at a wedding eventually turned into a friendship that has lasted more than fifteen years. Our wives knew each other first, and before long our lives became intertwined through dinners, conversations, and the normal ups and downs that come with life.
It’s funny how something that simple can turn into something meaningful.
But it also raises a bigger question.
Why is it so hard to make friendships like that as adults?
The Strange Reality of Modern Loneliness
One of the things Bruce and I talked about during this episode is something a lot of people feel but rarely say out loud.
We’ve never been more connected by technology, yet many people feel more alone than ever.
Think about it.
We carry supercomputers in our pockets. We can text anyone instantly. We can watch the lives of thousands of people every time we scroll our phones.
And still, loneliness is becoming one of the most common feelings people experience.
Bruce shared a story about his brother-in-law who teaches at a university. When he walks through the cafeteria or library, he sees something that would have been strange twenty years ago.
Students are sitting together physically.
But they’re alone digitally.
Everyone has earbuds in. Everyone is staring at a screen. Everyone is existing inside their own private world.
And many of those same students talk about how lonely they feel.
It’s a strange paradox.
We’re surrounded by people and still disconnected from them.
Why Making Friends Gets Harder As We Get Older
When we’re younger, friendships tend to form naturally.
School brings people together. Sports bring people together. Dorm rooms bring people together. There are built-in environments where connection happens almost automatically.
Adulthood is different.
Careers get busy. Families grow. Responsibilities stack up. Neighborhoods can feel quiet and disconnected.
Suddenly making friends requires something most adults haven’t practiced in a long time: intentional effort.
There’s also another factor that creeps in.
Fear.
People worry about rejection. They worry about saying the wrong thing. They worry about whether they’ll be accepted.
So instead of reaching out, they stay safe.
And staying safe often means staying isolated.
Living in Different Realities
Another challenge today is something we rarely notice but feel every day: algorithms.
The information we see online is constantly being customized for us.
Two neighbors might live ten feet apart but experience completely different digital realities. One person’s online world reinforces one set of beliefs, while the other person’s feed reinforces something entirely different.
Eventually each person believes their version of reality is obvious.
And the other person seems completely irrational.
That dynamic creates distance before a conversation even begins.
When people stop talking to each other, they start assuming things about each other.
And assumptions rarely lead to connection.
The Small Things That Change Everything
One of the most practical parts of the conversation was about how connection actually begins.
Most people imagine it requires something big or dramatic.
It doesn’t.
Connection usually starts with something incredibly small.
A wave to a neighbor.
A quick conversation.
An invitation to grab coffee.
Bruce described it perfectly. If connecting with people feels uncomfortable, start with the smallest possible step.
Just wave.
Do it enough times and it starts to feel normal.
Eventually that wave might turn into a short conversation. That conversation might turn into an invitation. And that invitation might turn into a friendship.
Connection grows slowly, but it grows when someone is willing to take the first step.
What Kids Teach Us About Loving Our Neighbor
One of the most powerful parts of the conversation came when Bruce talked about his kids.
They’re reaching the age where they don’t just listen to what their parents say.
They watch what their parents do.
If they see someone asking for help on the street, they want to know what their parents will do about it.
Not just what they believe.
Not just what they talk about.
What they actually do.
Kids notice those moments. They notice kindness. They notice generosity. And they notice when our actions match the values we talk about.
Sometimes the best accountability in the world is having children who are paying attention.
Because loving your neighbor isn’t just an idea.
It’s something you practice.
Opening a door. Helping someone with groceries. Offering help when someone needs it.
These small moments shape the way our kids see the world.
Most People Are Waiting For Someone To Go First
One of the biggest realizations from this conversation is something simple but powerful.
Most people who seem disconnected aren’t antisocial.
They’re waiting.
Waiting for someone to start the conversation.
Waiting for someone to invite them into something.
Waiting for someone to make the first move.
And when someone finally does, it often unlocks the connection they’ve been hoping for all along.
Shut Up and Love Your Neighbor
The idea behind this podcast is simple.
There will always be disagreements. There will always be politics. There will always be different beliefs and opinions.
Those things come and go.
But the opportunities to support someone, build a friendship, or create community matter far more than we often realize.
Sometimes loving your neighbor starts with something incredibly simple.
A wave.
A conversation.
Or even a terrible dance move.